The Bible teaches you that you need to forgive those who have hurt you even when it still hurts. When someone has hurt you, you may want to avoid the person, have resentment toward them, or maybe even want to seek out revenge. But God wants you to go to that person and forgive them. God says to forgive them as many times as they need it.
Matthew 18:21 says, Peter came to Jesus and asked, " Lord, how many times shall I forgive someone when they won't stop doing wrong against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, you must forgive them more than seven times. You must continue to forgive them even if they do wrong to you seventy-seven times." (ERV)
“Did that just say forgive them seventy-seven times? You’re kidding me right?”
That’s how important it is to forgive someone in Jesus’s eyes.
Proverbs 3:8 says, "If you do this, it will be like a refreshing drink and medicine for your body." (ERV)
I have been in a relationship with someone who had hurt me and I did not want to forgive them. I thought that I would make them suffer by not speaking to them. They needed to suffer the guilt and shame, not me. I was in the right not them.
But in reality, taking care of the situation that way was hurting me more than it was hurting them.
WHY DO YOU NEED TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAVE HURT YOU?
#1. God requires you to forgive. Unforgiveness is a sin in God’s eyes. So you must work on forgiving the other person. God won’t forgive you unless you forgive others.
“Yes, if you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, then your father in heaven will also forgive your wrongs.” Matthew 6:14 ERV
God knows that it is not going to be easy to forgive. So you need to just keep working on it. One day you will feel differently.
You can’t go by how you feel. Sometimes feelings won’t come until later. Forgiveness is a choice.
#2. It releases the hurt. Releasing it and giving it over to God not only will free you but it will free the other person over to God, letting God deal with it, not you.
"My friends, don't try to punish anyone who does wrong to you. Wait for God to punish them with his anger. In scripture the Lord says, "I am the one who punishes; I will pay people back." (Romans 12:19 ERV)
#3. Forgiving doesn’t make the situation okay. It makes you okay. Harboring anger or unforgiveness can wreak havoc on your body and make you sick. I am not saying what you went through wasn’t horrible but forgiving releases the hold it has on you and allows you to move forward. God wants you to move forward and not live in the past.
"Brothers and sisters, I know that I still have a long way to go. But there is one thing I do: I forget what is in the past and try as hard as I can to reach the goal before me." (Philippians 3:13 ERV)
THE STORY OF JOSEPH IN THE BIBLE
In the book of Genesis chapter 37, it starts out with a man named Joseph who was sold into slavery by his jealous brothers. Joseph had been taken to Eygpt and lived under Potiphar. While in Eygpt, Joseph prospered and he eventually became head of all of Eygpt, second in command to the Pharaoh.
Years had passed and Eygpt had gone through famine and Joseph’s brothers, who lived outside of Eygpt, came to Eygpt in search of food. Now Joseph was in charge of handing out the food to the city of Eygpt and Joseph’s brothers did not recognize him at first. It had been a long time since they had seen him.
Joseph eventually told his brothers who he was. When Pharaoh heard that Joseph’s brothers came for food he supplied them food and livestock.
In chapter 50, it says that Joseph’s brothers were afraid.
"Maybe Joseph still hates us for what we did to him" (Genisis 50:15 ERV)
When Joseph sees his brothers he tells them,
"Don't be afraid. I am not God! I have no right to punish you. It is true that you planned to do something bad to me. But really, God was planning good things. God's plan was to use me to save the lives of many people. And that is what happened." (Genisis 50:19 ERV)
This is such a beautiful story and one with a happy ending. If you get the chance I encourage you to read this story in more detail starting in Genesis 37 and ending in chapter 50.
HOW TO FORGIVE WHEN IT HURTS
#1. Pray for God to help you in forgiving the person
#2. Pray for them. I know this may be something that you don’t want to do, but praying for them might help them to see things from your perspective.
But I tell you, Love your enemies and pray for those who treat you badly." (Matthew 5:44 ERV)
#3. If the person is deceased you can write a letter to them. Get out a chair and pretend they are sitting in it. You then get a chair and sit across from the empty chair. Read the letter out loud as if they are sitting across from you. This can help you to move on if they are no longer living.
#4. If they are not willing to forgive you, you can also write your feelings down on paper. You can read them out loud or just tear up the paper when you are done writing it. This is a good exercise to do if they are unwilling to forgive.
#5. Try to look at the situation from their perspective.
#6. Pray and ask God to help you let go of the past.
#7. Talk to a trusted friend or counselor.
GOD HAS FORGIVEN YOU
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32 NIV)
"Don't be angry with each other, but forgive each other. If you feel someone has wronged you, forgive them. Forgive others because the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13 ERV)
God has chosen to forget your sins and remember them no more.
"And I will forgive the wrongs they have done, and I will not remember their sins." (Hebrews 8:12 ERV)
So don’t you think you should try to forgive the person who has hurt you?
CONCLUSION
Would you consider forgiving someone who has hurt you? You may not feel like forgiving them but that’s ok choosing to forgive them is a start. Those feelings will eventually catch up with you later.
And if you continue to work at it, I promise you will start to feel that healing in your bones. You will be able to look at them and see their pain and not your pain.
If this post resonates with you, can you leave a comment below, and please share it with your friends? Don’t forget to subscribe to my email list in the box that says “join the rest” so that you can receive my new blog posts in your inbox once a week. God Bless!
Here is some food for thought: My mom always told me to hate the sin don’t hate the person. Try and look at the situation differently. Maybe they don’t realize that they are sinning or doing wrong. And that is Satan at work making them believe that they are in the right. But if you look at hating the sin or the action that they did rather than hating them personally, it just may help you in forgiving them.
Love this article!
Thank you so much! God bless!
This is so powerful. I recently had to have a mindset change in terms of forgiving someone. I had to choose between my first instinct to not forgive them and be angry or to seek God’s way and forgive. Choosing God’s way was sooo much better. That person and I have a closer relationship now because they appreciated the difference in my reaction from others’, so that person is now trying to seek God more instead of being turned against Him.
Thank you! And that is wonderful that the other person now sees how God worked in your life and wants that for themselves. God never ceases to amaze me!
Love this post on the power of forgiveness. Forgiving doesn’t mean you forget, but you’re able to remember without feeling hurt. It frees you from the pain. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you! Sometimes we need to take that leap of faith and forgive them before we start to even feel like forgiving them. Its so neat to watch how God works things out !
good article thanks for reminding us about the stories in the bible about forgiveness.
Thank you! Its nice to know that we are not the only ones who have had issues with forgiving others!
Bitterness is a poison you swallow, thinking it will hurt someone else. Yes, it’s so important to forgive, and so difficult at times. We certainly should be forgiving others since we ourselves have been forgiven so much by God!
I know we, unfortunately, think we are hurting the other person by being bitter. I am so glad God gives us his grace to be able to forgive.
This was such a powerful post, I relate to this in that I struggle with forgiving people sometimes because its so tough to not want to feel resentment for what they have done for you. You put it perfectly that forgiveness is about being at peace with ourselves 🙂
I agree Stephanie! Forgiveness is hard. Although I wrote the post I feel it still isn’t easy to forgive someone. But I now have a way that I can combat that feeling. And it has gotten easier. Thank you for commenting!
Thanks for venturing into this public space, and sharing your thoughts. I imagine the last part is especially timely for those in the various cities w serious and lethal rioting. Many by neighbors or patrons of businesses.
Thank you for commenting!! Yes, the way the world is these days is ugly and raw and it needs people to show Gods love and forgiveness. We need to be the light in this dark world.